The sound quality is not the best on this episode. I had my headset in the whole recording but for whatever reason my computer recorded the audio instead of the headset.
An alarming number of people have a very difficult time say No to people who ask for their help.
They feel selfish
They feel guilty
They think they are showing the person love by always giving
The truth is, It is more loving to say no when necessary than it is to always say yes.
A lot of people will allow themselves to be manipulated in toxic and unhealthy relationships. I was guilty of this for years.
Some people from a faith background may even feel that it is godly to always say yes. When you study the life of Jesus you will find that He said no often.
Taking care of yourself and loving yourself is a greater act of love and a healthy example to show your family, co-workers, children, etc. than always catering to everyone else’s needs.
Most people will take as much from you as they can get. You don’t want to be known as the person who will always say yes and never say no to everyone in your life- It will breed resentment if you are not giving out of a full cup.
We are called to love others as ourselves and learn how to love because we were first loved by God. From a faith standpoint, God sets clear boundaries. His expectations are known and we have the choice to respect those expectations or not. We need to follow that same model.
Here are some examples of an inability to say no to the bad things in the workplace:
Getting saddled with another person’s responsibilities. pg 203
Working too much overtime pg 205
Boundaries help us keep the good in and the bad out.
Boundaries are fences, not walls
Boundaries are not controlling others- your defining what your limits are and they are free to choose if they will respect them. The person has the choice. Your setting the consequences to help them make the right choice.
Example: A couple was always late. The husband valued promptness. It bothered him a great deal to walk in late to meetings, events, engagements, etc. every time due to his wifes inability to be on time. He hated that he was disrespecting the other peoples time and would be very angry at his wife for causing them to be late. He decided one day to clearly communicate to his wife that he refused to be late for their engagements again. She could choose to be on time and leave with him or if she ran behind, she would have to find her own way of getting to the event. He would be very sad if she wasn’t with him but he would leave without her if she wasn’t ready. The next event they had, the wife was late. He ended up leaving to the event without her. She was left behind. When he came home, she was irate (as to be expected when you start to set boundaries to protect what you value). He calmly explained that he missed her and would have loved to have her by his side. She was well informed of what would happen if she ran behind. The choice was hers. They were never late for an event again after that.
I highly recommend the book Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life
For Coaching Package click here.
Feel free to contact me with questions.
Visit my iTunes podcast. https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/moved-by-purpose-podcast/id823991983